I’m So Very Wrong

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Why can’t I feel anything anymore? 

My heart has gone so very cold… 

Don’t leave me here all lonely, 

Please don’t leave me. 

It all hurts so very much, 

But that burn is slowly dying, 

And all that’s left is a… 

Big… 

Numb… 

… 

Hole… 

Why doesn’t this make any sense? 

Shouldn’t I be burning? 

Rage induced and flaming tears? 

Why can’t I cry? 

That was all I had left. 

And now I have nothing. 

Rainy Nights

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Here’s a little picture 

I’m painting in your head. 

A pretty little peach tree 

and a book beside a bed. 

A candle on the table, 

and little flickering flames, 

lighting up the window,

showing tiny drops of rain. 

When suddenly, from up above, 

lightening strikes and thunder thuds! 

And crashing goes the little tree, 

to slip and slide in puddled mud. 

You watch closely through the door, 

as rain pounds harder, harder still; 

and then you huddle up in bed, 

to watch it on the window sill. 

Was the rain as nice to you? 

Did it wash away the pain? 

Did it burn away the hurt, 

and leave only what you have to gain? 

Did you scream and then give up? 

Cause suddenly it’s not so bad… 

No burning from a loud, loud sun, 

just a tan and no more sad? 

Calming, is the rain for me, 

even when the thunder thumps. 

Even when the lightning strikes,  

it only smooths the little bumps. 

No Doubt

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I have no doubt in my mind, 

That there will come a time when I am free. 

Free of all these shameful worries, 

Of that little voice that’s holding me back. 

I have no doubt that one day I will be okay. 

But for now I’ll just keep going on like this… 

Just passing through my life, 

Like I’m not quite fit, 

Like I’m not quite right for it, 

Like it’s not quite mine yet. 

I have no doubt it will be soon, 

But for now I’ll just keep on like this. 

And hope that soon is sooner than I think. 

A Guide to Social Interaction

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Stop. 

Look. 

Listen. 

Says the voice in my head. 

Stop for a moment; 

Just be very still. 

Look at what they’re doing, 

And don’t ask stupid questions. 

Look at how they walk: 

With a skip or dragging feet? 

Notice their expression: 

A frown? A smile? 

Something in between? 

Close your eyes and listen 

To their conversation. 

Don’t butt right in, 

Especially if you don’t know what’s going on. 

Breathe and try your best. 

Ignore the tug of hurt 

When you don’t know for sure 

If you’ve done something wrong. 

Everyone makes those mistakes… 

Right?

Don’t Come, Don’t Go

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One feeling like losing hope. 

Two tears drip down to my throat. 

Three little sobs held back in shame. 

Four steps forward but I’m just as lame. 

Five times now I’ve been ignored… 

Six more tears when you strike a chord. 

Seven is my lucky number. 

Eight hours I lose of slumber. 

Nine is when I’ll be okay, but at 

Ten I still push you away. 

Eleven times my own frustration, when at 

Twelve you’re gone, and it’s my damnation. 

Thirteen times I’ve tried to speak and 

Fourteen times I’ve been too weak. 

Fifteen is now almost over; 

Sixteen, don’t come, I wish on a clover. 

-Cece