Get it Off My Chest

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Hey, it’s Cece! I was on top of things and wrote this last night, so you get this post nice and early!

I have two things to address today, one being significantly more lighthearted than the other. I’ll leave that for last.

The first thing I would like to say, before we get to the sweeter stuff, is something I’ve never gotten rid of.

It’s sort of like a chip on my back. It’s the question I’m pretty sure we have all asked ourselves at one point or another: “Am I not good enough?”

While this seems extremely similar to my post last week, this week I’m saying it in a different manner.

Last week I talked about how I know I am important, and so are you, whether others think so or not.

This week, it’s more of me wondering whether I am trying hard enough to be a good friend. Whether I’m trusted, and if not, if it’s because I’m doing something wrong.

This is more about me wondering about myself and asking for your advice, because I honestly don’t know what to think.

I know I can be annoying. It’s a fact. Everyone is at some point, and I know I can be more often than others. It’s my personality (and the fact that when I get excited or nervous I repeat myself ten times.)

But I try to be understanding. I try to ask others when something seems wrong. I think I’m doing a pretty good job at it, too, because if they don’t want to talk I don’t usually push.

But–and I’ll just say it–I am pretty inept when it comes to socializing and interacting with others. I often can’t tell whether there really is nothing wrong or if they just don’t want to tell me.

I am not good at recognizing emotions. Is she sad or tired? Annoyed or just having a bad day? Does he hate me or just not want to talk today?

I don’t like socializing. Well, I do. I like talking with my friends. I NEED to. But I don’t like the hopeless feeling I get when I can’t even begin to try to tell what emotion someone is feeling.

I think sometimes I seem insensitive, since I also don’t react well to anything sad somebody tells me, which can be unfortunate when I want to offer comfort.

The other day I was talking to one of my friends. She seemed down, and so I asked her what was wrong. She said she was just tired and had a headache. I do believe her, because she’s a trustworthy friend.

But sometimes it seems like some of my friends don’t trust me, and on top of the fact that I can’t really tell whether I’m totally off the point in the emotion range, it’s frustrating. I believe her because she’s a trustworthy friend, but at the same time I’m not sure I should always believe her.

The friend I mentioned before has told me once before (when we had a fight) that she didn’t want to “push her problems on me.” It’s great that she cares about me and all, but aren’t friends there for EACH OTHER? She’s always there for me. I want a chance to prove I’m always there for her.

I think most of my friends think I’m childish. I think they don’t tell me as much as they tell others. I don’t think I’m quite as close to some of my friends as they say.

Sure, I’m a bit immature at times, but when it comes to my outlook on the world, I am anything but childish. I just sometimes have trouble expressing myself socially.

The next thing, which I seem to have mentioned so long ago…

There is a dance at my school coming up for my grade, and I was thinking of asking a girl I know. If anybody has suggestions on how to do it, I would appreciate any ideas at all!

I promise to tell how it goes down 😊.

I honestly have NO IDEA how she will respond, but we are relatively good friends.

Thanks for reading, guys (and gals). I know this was pretty long.

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